Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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