Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
