Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
