I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I lost the right to judge tonight
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
