I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
