Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
