why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
