The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
