I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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