I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
