I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
