Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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