Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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