can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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