Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She tied me up with her honor cords...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the liver wants what the liver wants
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
