I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
