I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
