you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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