We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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