There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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