last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
