we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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