I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
