My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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