I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
