hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
