You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
