Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
