im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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