Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
