whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
