Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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