Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
