he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
