yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
