oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
