When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
