Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
