I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
