my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
