I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
