i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
