if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
