I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
