According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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