I need to stop coming to work sober
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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