you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
