24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
