i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
