I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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