May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
