Nicole vs. Life
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
